By Suraj Chaudhary

I Have a Problem

Dear Reader,

I have a problem.

I judge people. I don't do that loudly, but it happens fast, almost automatically. Someone walks in, says something, carries themselves a certain way, and I've already formed an opinion. Most of the time I don't even notice I'm doing it.

There was a coworker I didn't like. I won't go into the specifics of why. Looking back, I'm not sure I had real reasons. I just didn't vibe with her. And I kept that feeling for a while without questioning it.

Then I found out through someone else. She hadn't told me directly, and I understood why. We weren't close enough for that. She was financially supporting her entire family. Her father couldn't work. Her mother couldn't either. She had two younger sisters. She was holding all of that while showing up every day, working more hours than anyone else.

I hadn't taken the time to know any of that. I hadn't taken the time to know her at all.

I've been getting into photography lately, and I came across an idea that stuck with me:

Two photographers can walk the same street, same time of day, same gear, and come back with completely different images. Not because one is more talented. But because of how they see. Every frame they've ever lived through, every moment that shaped them, all of it is behind the lens before they even raise the camera.

People are the same way.

The coworker I had written off was carrying a weight I knew nothing about. The version of her I had built in my head was never really her. That was just what I could see from where I was standing, which wasn't very close.

I'm not writing this because I've fixed the habit. I still catch myself doing it. The snap judgment, the automatic read of someone, the story I build around them before I've asked a single real question. It's pattern recognition, and some of it is useful. But most of it is unfair.

What I'm trying to do now is hold my first impression a little more loosely. Treat it as a draft, not a conclusion. Everyone is walking around with a story I haven't heard yet. And usually, the parts I don't know are the parts that explain everything.

There is work to do.

I will see you next week.

Warmly,
Suraj

If you'd like to hear more from me, here's my YouTube channel where I share lessons, experiments, tools, and resources to make life just a little better.

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