On caring about what other people think

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Dear Reader, Suraj here –

I can, and I often do, come off as a very rude person. I’ve struggled for a long time to understand why it is that people misunderstand me so often. And by people, I’m referring to the ones I might call friends or those close to me. It’s something that I truly hadn’t been able to make sense of.

When thinking about what others think of me, I’ve always considered: “Am I going to have to be around this person in five years, in ten years? If not, I shouldn’t let what they think impact the way I live, dress, speak, or just the way I am.”

Something happened this morning that got me thinking. Without giving away the specifics, I was headed somewhere where I needed to be on time, and someone else was also about to head in the same direction. They asked if I’d like them to come with me, and I said, “Sure, but I’ll mostly be running.”

This was received as a “No.” They said, “Okay, you go,” and I left. Later, they passed by me and appeared angry.

My logic was simple: I didn’t want to be late, and I also didn’t want somebody else to have to rush because of me. I thought the other person would understand. But things didn’t pan out the way I thought they obviously should. The other person took that as me being rude. I didn’t even realize it — a friend pointed it out to me.

To be honest, I’ve done similar things countless times, but I’ve never really thought about it. I’d like to think it hasn’t affected my life in any major way.

The only reason I’m thinking about this particular incident — and so much so that I’m sharing it with you — is because perhaps I tend to disregard emotionality. I tend to forget that humans are emotional beings and that emotions play a very big role in their lives.

When I talk about humans in third-person language, I don’t intend to exclude myself. I do, however, think that I may have behavior patterns that could be considered uncommon — or sometimes even rude. Me being more logical than considerate of emotions is one of those things.

I wouldn’t say that I’m right or wrong to be the way I am, but I will admit that I’m not a very emotionally intelligent person. My default, in almost any situation, is to be logical.

Over time, as I’ve met more people and gotten close to them, I’ve tried to be more emotionally available — but this is still far from what would be considered adequate.

This matter holds even more importance for me now because I’m thinking about how many times I may have hurt people close to me through similar acts. I may have just been logical, but maybe relationships require more than simple logic.

Maybe they require consideration and thought — and maybe, at times, being late.

This realization, and what will follow, is still a work in progress.

I will write again next week. Take care.

Warmly,
Suraj

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