Hey Reader, Suraj here –
I feel like I have, so far, actively avoided difficult academia.
After grade 10th, when I had to decide between pursuing Science vs Commerce, I chose Commerce with CS because it would give me more time to focus on things other than studies, such as my blog at the time.
Also, when I decided to pursue Computer Science over Medicine, I did it because CS would give me the freedom to work from anywhere, and perhaps, at some point, build a lucrative remote business.
These are the stories I’ve told myself and other people.
While these stories are almost entirely true, I think the academic rigor those fields would require me to build to even start practicing was something I didn’t want to do.
It is certainly not to say that I couldn’t have, because perhaps I could’ve been able to.
That’s just my ego saying that I can do anything I set my heart and mind to.
The point is that when I made my decisions, a part of the reason was also to avoid the work it would demand.
I feel like an imposter.
I have been able to maintain a 4.0 at my university; the grades are not the main part because there’s always a way to beat the system once you understand it well enough.
The main point is the “being challenged” part.
I think that if I were to take more dense classes at my university, I would probably struggle to maintain my grades.
Perhaps I will continue to say that since my Math + CS degree doesn’t really require those higher-level classes, I don’t want to waste time on them. I could spend that time building projects.
But what of doing hard things for the fun of it? For the challenge of solving a problem rather than purely utilitarian?
Perhaps growing up watching and following people who’ve been able to get outstanding financial results has something to do with it. Perhaps I have been more attracted to their results than the process.
I am constantly trying to be a hacker of sorts, to find loopholes, to find shortcuts, to optimize everything.
I’m not saying that it is bad, but just that, in so doing, I haven’t appreciated the process as much.
People, I think, have been the biggest reason for this realization.
I teach Mathematics and Computer Science to other students at the Academic Center of my university.
I’m a part-time tutor, but there are other tutors who work full-time. Most of them are so very passionate about what they do. When they are not tutoring or writing feedback on a student’s work, they’re always reading a book.
So simple, yet so meaningful it seems.
Meeting Saurabh and Manas has also been a significant reason. Saurabh was the reason behind the recent On writing on the internet. They both pursue knowledge for the journey of it, rather than in an attempt to beat the system.
My Math professor, Dr. Zollinger, doing Math with so much passion, is a good reason behind pausing and thinking. She is the reason I spent some time solving the game of Nim.
Perhaps I’ve always wanted to live not only more intentionally, but also more deeply. Perhaps that is why I’ve always been attracted to the idea of writing.
A theory that seems reasonably viable is that doing difficult things would bring more depth to my life.
But also a good reason is: If I’m paying all this money and working so hard to attend this university, why don’t I also focus on truly training myself to work on difficult things?
Unsure of how I’m going to implement this in my life, but a good place to start, I think, is to build a routine that empowers sustained pursuit of difficult work.
I’ll see you next week.
Warmly,
Suraj
If you'd like to hear more from me, here's my YouTube channel where I share lessons, experiments, tools, and resources to make life just a little better.
