On unconditional love

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Dear Reader –

“I love you unconditionally.”

Have you ever told somebody that? I certainly have, and now I see how big a lie that has been.

No love is truly unconditional.

Your friends? You are friends because you like being around them, hanging out with them. Perhaps you enjoy their company. The day they begin to disrespect you or stop understanding you the way they do, you will stop hanging out and talking to them, and that friendship will fade away.

Your partner? It’s very likely that you love them because of how they make you feel. Maybe they make you feel loved, valued, cared for, and heard. Perhaps you love them because you see a future with them and because of the trust you have in them. The day that trust breaks, one of you becomes unfaithful, or they stop making you feel loved or valued, your relationship with them will get shaky, and rightly so.

Your parents? Most parents do love their children unconditionally because they are their blood, but this, too, isn’t always the case. I know people whose parents have been abusive or whose parents walked away when they were very young, even when they have been their own blood. What do you make of that? This isn’t always the case, but it sometimes is. I think a parent’s love who is present is the closest to unconditional love one can attain.

God? God will take you to heaven only if you have been a faithful child, if you have believed in him, if you have not continued to sin after knowing him, or at least tried your best. But shouldn’t unconditional love, by definition, love you regardless of everything? Perhaps I’m getting a little ahead of myself here.

I could tell my partner that I love them unconditionally, but it wouldn’t be the full truth. It would only be a part of the story. I’m incapable of loving unconditionally, and if you are honest, perhaps, you might see glimpses of this in yourself.

So this is a realization that I cannot love unconditionally. However, I think I can make it a little easier for the people I love to love me back. I will be a good partner, a good son, a good brother, a good friend, and a good man. I will not break their trust, and I will do everything in my power not to do so, even unintentionally.

Unconditional love is almost like infinity. You can only get closer to it, but never reach it. Perhaps I can try to get as close to loving my family (that is, and that will be) unconditionally as I humanly can. This may also help me not take people and their love for me for granted.

I’ll see you next week.

Warmly,
Suraj

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