Direction (less)

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Dear Reader,

I’ve kind of been having an existential crisis. Thanks, in part, to summer, but more significantly to the recent life decisions I’ve made, I’ve introduced a lot of uncertainty for myself.

I will not get into the details, but here’s what’s happening:

Up until recently, I knew exactly what I wanted to do and what my life was going to look like in the years ahead. I had more than just a draft for life. But then, decisions were made. Good or bad? I don’t really know, but that draft had to be discarded. That has made everything uncertain. And this uncertainty, I do not like. In some sense, I feel directionless, and it’s almost physically painful.

There is a possibility that I may be exaggerating the effects of this abrupt change in my mind (or maybe not), but I feel what I feel. And this one is not a good feeling.

So, how am I coping with all of this?

I noticed that I feel the worst when I am free, as in when I am not actively engaged in something. Yes, there is a valid argument for facing and accepting one’s feelings rather than trying to find ways of feeling less of them. But what I have learned throughout the years is that vacant time is a very easy time for overthinking. If I’m not doing something, I’ll overthink, and if I overthink, I’ll make a great deal out of insignificant things. To put it simply, I’m more likely to overthink in my free time than I am to put it to good use. So I’ve been trying to keep myself busy. I am happy to report that I’m keeping myself busy with meaningful things, including writing, learning, and working on projects.

There is one other thing that has been of immense help. Even though I feel really bad at times and begin to question what even is the point of everything is, I keep in the back of my mind that this shall pass. It has given me the hope that even though I’m not in a good place right now, with time, things will get better. Things always get better; sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but they always get better. I am hopeful for that.

I am also grateful that I get to write these weekly newsletters and that people actually respond to these emails with their own experiences. Thank you for all your support. You reading these emails I write adds meaning to my life. Thank you!!

I will see you again next week.

Take care, my friend!

Warmly,
Suraj